What is the BIG Question for Singles?

When are you getting married?

If you are in your 30's and still certified single, you will get that most of the time. You can not escape that nagging question. Your friends, your family's friends, your co-workers, your batchmates, that guy who's making a pass at you - they will just pop that question from nowhere...every possible minute. Okay, that is an exaggeration. But seriously, they will ask that "big Q" whenever possible. But what's interesting?

During my panel interview last November 7th, the Chairman of the Selection Board asked that question. Upon hearing that, I thought I find the when part of the question intriguing. Curious? Here's how I think it is.

Peer Pressure

If you are in marriageable age, that's 25, your parents would bug you to tie the knot. The reason? They want to carry their grandchildren in their arms while they still can. Five years thereàfter, society will label you as old. So if you are still unwed at 30, you're old to get married. At 35, the doctor would encourage you to settle down. It's your only ticket. It's the last call before the train finally leaves so to speak. Why? Because this age means risky pregnancy. At this age, your batchmates would have had 2 or 3 kids already. And probably, among your peers, you're the only single creature left. So, get married soon or your mom would raffle you off. That's my mom's line by the way.

"It's the last call before the train finally leaves."

Financial Stability

Usually, professionals climb up the ladder of success at age 30-35. According to our resource person on Financial Investment Seminar, a financial advisor at Sun Life Financial, corporate people climb the corporate ladder at age 30 to 35. It's the time young professionals are ready to dive into bigger responsibilities. Of course, larger responsibility means higher compensation thereby increasing purchasing power and saving opportunity. This may be one of the reasons why few young adults consîder marrying at this time. It's a sign of capability to support a family.

Common Stigma

A curse. A disgrace. Grouchy. Unloveable. These are just some ignorant label our society unfairly tag adult singles. Back in high school and college, I had classmates who would mindlessly say "palibhasa matandang dalaga". It's their way of insulting the person. So carelessly it is blurted out without even considering the story behind the why's and how's of the person concern. It's just that.

"Palibhasa matandang dalaga / binata"

Emotional and Mental Readiness

I don't think we could tell the exact time we would be emotionally and mentally ready to walk down the aisle or to live with a person besides our immediate family. I believe each of us have our own clock set when we could be sure to say "I'm ready". It differs from person to person.

To answer the when of the "big Q" would need a lot of thought processes, of self-validation, of prayers. Would you marry because you're afraid of birthing at 35? Because you have enough money? Because you're afraid to be unloveable matandang dalaga/binata? Because you're emotionally ready? Would you marry if it would bring you comfort/convenience? Definitely, you'll consider several factors. And it might probably be one or two of these reasons. What's sure is that you have your own reason for marrying. Whatever that reason is, it's your call. Own it.

"The answer to the when part of the big question needs a lot of thinking, of self-validation, of prayers."

Going back to my panel interview, the Chairman of the Selection Board asked, "when are you getting married?" She flashed her sweet and shy smile at me. As usual, I breath in before I threw at them my "funny" response: find my boyfriend first. There must be a guy out there for me. And then, we'd plan when to tie the knot. ^_^


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